December 21, 2001 - 6.27 pm
I don't know what's changed. Why I seem to not need to write anymore. I still write a lot. But I find less and less time to actually sit down at the computer and put an entry out there. I'm not going to stop updating when I have a minute, and hopefully when I get settled in my apartment, (!!!) I'll update with a little more regularity.
I went to Tia's webpage tonight. I don't know why. I just . . . did. I thought I could handle it. I just wanted to see if anyone had posted a new message there, and no one has, for a really long time. But I went back to the beginning. Where there was bald greif on that page. I remember the feelings and the pain and the laughter that came in the middle of it all, and I know that my life has gotten so very much richer since then. I had this great Holiday dinner on Wednesday with Helen and Laine and Ben and friends from college and as we sat in Laine's little apartment with two tables squished up against each other and ate dinner and told jokes, and laughed, real laughes from our bellies, my theme song kept playing in my mind. "These are the moments/I thank God that I'm alive." I have so many moments, frozen in time that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Tonight friends are coming over for a movie night and I wish Tia could come. I wish she was here to have college stories, and share in the joy that spills over every day in my life. But I forget sometimes that when I ask for it (like visiting that page tonight) I still have some of the pain, some of the greif, some of the essence of those dark times. And I miss her. And Jess. But life goes on. Life is good. And I am just so thankful that I have every breath.
