January 27, 2002 - 10.34 pm
I went over to Helen's house for dinner tonight. We have dinner at Helen's every Sunday night, the gang of us. Laine, Ben, Rob, Laine's roommate, Kim, my roommate Ella, sometimes a couple of others but mostly it's just us. Tonight, for example, Ella's boyfriend joined us, and it's loud, and fun, and I love it. We crowd into Helen's tiny apartment, and a couple of us bring chairs, and Helen cooks something delicous and healthy and vegetarian, and we talk about nothing, really. Banter. Loud, happy banter. And people file out, leaving just a few of us, and when I leave, I come home to a roommate I really like, and a crazy, psycho loveable kitty.
Leaving there tonight I realized I have the life I love. I wanted this life so very badly last year. Saturday night I went out to coffee with Laine and Helen, Laine had just had an argument with her boyfriend Ben and while my heart broke for her pain, I was glad I could be there. My mom can call and tell remind me to call my aunt for her birthday, I hear about my sisters activities, my parents trip to Mexico. I missed a year of this life, the life I love. And even when I'm quiet, I'm absorbing it, taking it all in, realizing how desperatly lucky I am. Isn't that a great feeling? Just knowing that even if for a moment, you have the life you love. Sure, there are things I still want. A boyfriend being one, but if that's my only complaint in life hell, this is heaven.
I really think this is what heaven feels like. Being loved and secure. Knowing that things'll turn out alright in the end. Being there for the people you love, laughing and crying together. Knowing you have this perfection. Knowing you have these people who will never leave you. I am overflowing.
Goodnight.
Emily
