February 20, 2002 - 10.38 pm
You know, when I have events like the critiques from the land of evil badness, I sometimes forget all the heart wrenching beauty is in my every day life. Like today. I had a bad day. It started out well enough. My Humanities recitation prof really liked an idea I had, and that was awesome because he is really quite brilliant, and a great teacher, and I really admire that. So that was good. But then, I hated the critiques, and then I showed up for my math class, but the prof didn't, which pissed me off, because I was totally TOTALLY prepared, you know, READY for the quiz. And I have an hour between my Humanities lecture and my math class, so right there, boom, waste of two hours. And you ALL KNOW how much I hate HATE that. So. I came back to my apartment, did the dishes, picked up my room, worked on revising my story, (which, actually, I think is going to turn out REALLY COOL.) and went to catch the bus with EH so I could go to dinner with the Humanities Club. EH and L are members of the Humanities Club, and it sounded like a really lot of fun, so hey!
So, L, EH and I trot to catch the bus, and lo and behold there are two guys from club waiting for the EXACT SAME BUS! So it was jolly riding down to Pearl Street with this kid, we'll call him Reese, who is a bloody joke. He makes these comments out of NO WHERE. And then we got to resturaunt, Sunflower, and it was really good ambiance, and really FUN company. Talking with lots of people and joking and bonding, I'm just enjoying it immensly. It was THREE HOURS LONG and REALLY expensive (but it was on Club!)and I loved it. I loved it. I just felt so right about it all, sitting across from EH and next to L, and talking with all these people I didn't know otherwise, and being able to be totally myself, and having this unit with EH and L. And so, after dinner, practically the whole club and I rode the Hop back to wherever then L and I went back to her house and hung out with her roomie for a while and generally just had a really good talk. I see L a lot more now then I ever did last year, but so seldomly do we get to just talk. And I realized once again how lucky I am to have her in my life.
Imagine this. You meet this girl, she's in theatre too, and she hangs out with all the really artsy kids, and you never quite talk until she joins th OM team that you join because your best friend of the time joins too. And over this course of events, you find yourself spending a lot of time with this girl. You get to know her in little snatches, but it takes her a lot of time to open up to you. But there's a long stretch there where you talk to her on the phone every night. And suddenly you realize, she's your best friend. She knows you inside and out, and doesn't critize, or patronize, she pushes you to be the best you can be. And things are cruising along as smoothly as they can in high school, and then you experience the loss of a friend. And the first person you can think of getting to is her. And when you find her, she hugs you with a tightness that takes your breath away, and that day you see her cry for the first time. You go back to talking on the phone every night for a while. But you emerge, whole, and a lot closer. Then you drift apart. She's going through some stuff that you don't know about, and she won't tell you about and you find yourself missing her like you'd miss a piece of yourself. You don't know where she went. And when she finally confesses what she's been dealing with, you want to hold her forever, and appologize for ever resenting her anger, but it takes a while before you can touch again. And then you lose someone close to you. Once again she becomes your rock, your salvation. But when you dwell, when you find yourself becomming obsessed with death and darkness, she reaches into all of that and slaps you, hard, and says, you're hurting yourself, and I love you, so stop. And you do. And then, life takes you down two different paths. But still, you know she's there, and that she still needs you, and you never once question her love for you. You know that no matter what, she's there, that quiet, solid strength, waiting, and loving, and even when you're being a self-absorbed jackass, she's there. You round the bend, and you remember once more, how lucky you are. And maybe you begin to take her for granted a little bit. And then, one oridinary Wednesday night you look at her and realize that you are blessed in ways that no one has ever been so blessed. She is your sister, and she is so amazing, imperfect, beautifully flawed. You've never been able to depend so solidly on someone in your life. That's my L.
For all of you, I wish that you're lucky enough to have someone half as amazing as she is in your life.
Emily
