March 24, 2002 - 11.58 pm
Sorry for the drama of my last entry. But really, you can't have been reading long if you don't expect some drama.
Some good news on the Emerson front-- I called my roommate because I thought maybe there was an off-chance she'd come to pick him up and take him to the vet or the groomers or something, and she suggested I look under our recliner. Lo and behold, my sweet kitty was curled up under there sound asleep. So, he's really here and I'm glad.
On a completely unrelated note -- I've been having weird feelings about grieving lately. I feel like I'm somehow cheating. Like, I watched Playing By Heart with L and her roommate the other night, and when the guy with AIDS, Mark dies, I cry. I cry every time. And I think about Jesse. But lately, I've been feeling kind of guilty. My friend on the TLS mailinglist, Micheal, remembers the early 80's where every one of his friends had AIDS and was going to die. And most of them did, in sucsession. And I've been talking to my friend also from the TLS list, Jess, who's play is premerine off-Broadyway in NYC tonight. Her play is about a friend of ours on the list who died, and we talked the other day about guilt. I feel guilty, because I haven't lost many in my time. No where near Michael for example, or even Jesse, who'd lost eight of his friends to AIDS alone. Eight. That's not even counting the "normal" stuff teens die because, car crashes and whatever. And I feel guilty because this disease still makes me so sad, so ANGRY. It hurts my heart. It's like, tonight, watching the Oscars, ONE guy was wearing an AIDS ribbon. Nathan Lane, bless his soul. ONE. And people are still dying every every day. I understand the tragedy of September 11. I do. But that doesn't negate all the other pain that still exists in the world. And I don't feel like I have the right to be angry. Confused, would be a good word.
And with that, I'm taking my tired self to bed.
Hug someone.
Emily
