June 30th, 2002 - 2.00 am
I sit here in my bedroom, gazing out the window at a rust colored moon.
There's something singularly magical about this bizarre event. It's not tinged with russet, it's not pinkish, the moon tonight is RED.
It's because of the pollution, you know. The haze of smoke that has settled on my state has made the moon appear red. The same haze that settles over the city during the day making everything brown and dingy transforms the moon into a rosy orb at night.
Tonight, a friend of mine turned 21. IT was a fun night just being with everone, and it being really chill. I laughed, I chatted and I reveled in this incredible feeling of finally FINALLY belonging somewhere. And yeah, there was drinking. Much drinking. But no one was mean, no one pulled out a secret to hurt someone else with. All 13 people were just being really fun, sometimes perverse, sometimes sweet. Totally TOTALLLY different from my experience last year, and so lovely.
And you'd think I'd just feel happy and leave it at that, right? But I'm scared. I'm a little afraid that the bottom is going to fall out and I'm going to be left in the misery of before. Isn't that bizzare? I mean, why can't I just be happy? Purely, unadulteratedly happy? I don't know. But I'm not going to think about it anymore. I'm going to go curl up with my cat, in the safety of my very own house, and sleep the sleep of someone who knows that for a moment, everything is OK with the world.
Love,
Emily
