October 17th, 2002 - 11.16 pm
By all accounts, I should have had at least a semi-fun evening. S and I had to take Emerson to the vet to have his toofies fixed and then we were going to get together with S's sister, EC. And I thought, Yay! I haven't seen EC in a long while.
So, even though Emerson yowled the entire hour drive back to Loveland, I was like, yeah, OK, this bites but at least it's for his own good and EC! So, I went to my sisters' choir concert for a tiny while and then picked up S to go to Fort Collins and hang with her sister. So I picked her up and felt incredibly uncomfortable with her parents because I know they don't like me, then S and I fought with the ATM and left, half an hour late for Ft. Collins. When we got there, we called EC's room and she was bringing three people and I didn't know who they were. Lo and behold, it was RD another pretty random guy from high school and we'll call him CT, The "pretty girl" guy? The one who hurt my feelings at the wedding a while back? And I thought to myself, well, fuck a duck. This isn't going to be good.
And you know what? It wasn't. He is the same as he has been since going away to college. Bitter, and cynical, and angry, and unkind and uncaring, superior, holier-than-thou, and I hate it. Every time we get together, he trys to convince me that it's OK to drink. That I'm missing out on a lot. And while sometimes I feel that way, for the most part I'm happy with my decision. I don't judge anyone elses' decisions, but I am OK and content with mine. And I don't need some pissy little boy on a severe testosterone trip with obvious small dick compensation issues telling me that my decisions are not valid, especially when he hasn't even bothered to sit down and really honestly talk with me about this. I don't honestly want to see him again this year. I want to say ever again, but I don't know.
I'm at this point in my life where I don't need negative people who are content to be negative and judgemental and condescending, who are content in their selfish little worlds, to be in my life. There are people who genuinely love me and value me in my life. And I don't need that other shit. And, honestly, I won't have it. I'm done. When he figures it out he can come to me, and I'm not going to avoid our other friends but I'm not going to specifically engage myself in any kind of activity with CT. I don't need it, I don't deserve it, and he isn't god -- he can't tell me how to react or feel. And he isn't a friend if he thinks he can.
So there.
