January 9th, 2003 - 11.12 pm
I promised ihatepavel (another livejournal user and real life friend) that I'd update yesterday and I meant to, I really did! But yesterday got so busy that I didn't have time. I had rehearsal which was emotionally taxing to say the least, then there was margarhetia night and Laine and Kim's and I didn't get back to Loveland until after 1. Excuses excuses. So, ihatepavel, here you go!
I love to drive. Most of my friends don't. But I love to drive especially when I'm by my self. I turn on the radio or recently this new CD player that my parents got me for Christmas. And I just drive. It's kind of a zen experience. I work out so many issues when I'm driving, and I feel so peaceful. I've been listening to Ragtime and Christina Agulara(yes I'm embarassed) recently (weird combo much?!) and when the first notes hit, my muscles start to relax, my breathing evens out, my mind relaxes and I feel so much better.
It's interesting, this physiological reaction to a psychological stimulus. . .
Laine asked me the other night "how I was doing" with much trepidation. LOL. I think she and a few others noticed the fragility of my mental status before break. I think it was probably more fragile than I was willing to admit to myself. . .But I was wobbling on a very narrow ledge and I didn't let anyone help me. Which is silly because I have such great support avalible to me. But I am so much better. I've been using this break to really get back onto solid ground and feel good about my life.
In other news, Sinjin and I have commenced with ridiculousness (using our psyudonyms is an example) and it's great fun. It's so weird to read about the lives of the people I know in "real life" on the computer. I'm battling with how honest to be here now. So, this may change a little bit. I may need to find a different venue for my honesty, we'll see.
