February 9th, 2003 - 10.00 pm
Note: this is an edited and slightly disjointed entry, because I was. . .um. Called to Denny's in the middle of writing it.:)
This past week was very MESA oriented. I had a 7a-7p shift on Monday, a team meeting on Thursday, and a 7p-7a shift on Friday. This isn't mentioning, of course, that I have 2 2 hour rehearsals a week, for this play I'm in, about rape and sexual assault. (It's through a program called the Interpersonal Violence Prevention Peer Education Program which is a collaboration between Safehouse and MESA) Or taking the Violence Against Women and Girls class I'm taking into account either.
So, anyway, very sexual assault, MESA oriented.
And while I was sitting at the team meeting on Thursday night, I was thinking to myself, I do this for maybe selfish reasons. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not all "YAY RAPE!" but I feel so good about what I'm doing. I love going to team meetings, because generally we have a speaker from another orginization that we come into contact with, and these speakers are usually strong, competent, intellegent women who are making huge differences in not only individual lives, but in the legistlature, in policy, in lives of more people than I can ever know.
And I love it. I've not really thought of myself as a feminist before last semester or so, but these days, I'm really trying to embrace that philosophy. I don't hate men, or think that women are better than men, I think that women are EQUAL to men, but have been oppressed in ways that men aren't. I used to be decidedly "pro-life" and still am, but I've redefined that term. I want to honor and value all kinds of life, and that means not making choices for other people and realizing that while I would not chose abortion for myself, for another woman, that may be the right choice. Also, that I can't judge another woman's situation, because there are so many layers to personhood. I'd love to see counseling required pre and post abortion though. I think the choice to not continue a pregnancy is one that will affect a woman for the rest of her life. I also would like to see safer sex and contraceptive methods taught, because sure, spout abstinence all you want, but kids ARE going to have sex. And everyone has the right to protect her or himself. I would love to see religions change their stances on contraceptives. I personally, think that God only wants children to be born to parents who are ready to have children.
Wow. OK. MESA. I love the support I get in MESA. I have a Supergroup, made up of six people who get together once a month and talk about the calls we've had, lead by two more experienced counselors. I feel pretty safe there, and I think I can really make some friends out of that group. I love that our volunteer coordinater can keep all 30 of us straight and ask what's going on in our lives. I love that it's such a safe environment. Really. I don't feel like I have anything to prove to anyone and I love that.
I just feel so good, so positive about what I'm doing. It's hard. I'm insecure about it sometimes, but I feel like I AM doing something good. Every time I go to a MESA meeting, someone tells the group of us that we're doing good work.
And I feel happy. I feel proud of myself and the work I'm doing.
